*grumbles, rattles, bells sound through yard*
*Night Mistress steps out on back porch* What under Earth was that?
*Minion Juli peeks out from behind the door* I’m not sure but I don’t know if I’d stand out there long.
*Night Mistress snorts* Oh, pishaw. It sounded like bells.
*Juli reaches for candy dish* Maybe the trick or treaters are on their way. Which reminds me, you haven’t given us the new costumes this year.
*Night Mistress eyes Juli’s worn jeans* Well, you’re a bum, isn’t that obvious?
*Juli glares* I thought I was supposed to be a bloody clown?
*Night Mistress snickers* You said it, dear minion. I didn’t. Ah, our next guest. Come in, come in, L.A. Would you like some tea?
L.A. Kelley: Thank you I’d love a cup of tea.
Night Mistress: *snaps fingers* Juli, bring her a cup of tea.
Juli: Yes, Mast…er. *Hands L.A. a teacup* Now, L.A., come on in the parlor here. The guests are waiting. *opens parlor door; eyes guests* Oops, I think you’re on, L.A. Let me just introduce you.
Hello again, folks, Mistress was just saying our costumes are late, but Paranormal Romance author L.A. Kelley has some suggestions if you, like us, are still looking for last minute costumes ideas. L.A., thanks for coming (and putting up with Night Mistress!) You have the floor.
Searching for a perfect costume
As I was saying, sometimes you just want the damn candy, but don’t want to go to all the trouble and expense of putting together an outfit. Here are bad last minute Halloween costumes to get you into that party:
- Smear red lipstick on your face and go as a pimple.
- Blow up a bunch of clear balloons. Tape them to your thighs and go as cellulite.
- Draw a chalk outline around your body and go as a crime scene victim.
- Wear a mop head and go as a bowl of pasta
- Grab dirty clothes out of the laundry basket and go as dirty laundry.
- Stick a bunch of Hello…My Name Is labels on your shirt and go as a convention.
Too much work?
You can also show up with no costume at all and walk around the room with a high pitched nasal voice saying, “Kids nowadays don’t respect their elders. The world is going to hell in a hand basket. Young folks don’t know what’s what.” If anyone asks say you’re a well-aged wine.
*Juli snickers* Now that seems like a good costume for you, Mistress.
*Mistress glares* I’ve changed my mind. I think I’m going to turn you into a–
L.A. Kelley: Excuse me, Night Mistress. I don’t mean to be rude, but does this tea taste funny to you?
*Mistress blinks* No, not at all. I’ve had a fresh pot brewed. It should be just fine. Unless….*eyes minion*
*Juli clears throat* Hey, L.A., *aside* thanks for distracting her. Uh, why don’t you tell us a little about your new work, The Naughty List?
L.A. Kelley: Sure, here’s the synopsis:
Something smells at Penrose’s Department Store and it isn’t sugarplums.
Christmas had always been a magical time for Rosalie, but not this year. The new manager introduces idiotic rules, steals the affections of the cute temp Santa, and forces employees into butt-ugly elf hats. Then Rosalie meets a real E.L.F. (Elemental Life Form) named David and gets lassoed into a desperate hunt for the stolen Naughty and Nice List. Now the couple must stay one step ahead of the hellhounds, dodge a murderous invisible demon, and retrieve the List before the world tumbles into chaos.
Murder, mystic artifacts, demons with anger management issues and interfering cupids…not your typical yuletide tale. On sale now at $2.99 for Kindle.
Night Mistress: Ooh! Mystic artifacts and demons? Sounds like my kind of Christmas tale. Minion Juli, get me a copy of that.
Juli: *lopes to library door* Yes, master—I mean, my lady.
*Night Mistress looks at L.A. and rolls eyes* Don’t mind her, dear, she’s definitely going on that Naughty list you mentioned *aside, if I don’t put her in the next batch tea cakes!
Juli: L.A., what did she say?
About L.A. Kelley
I’m the palest person living in Florida and will take air conditioned comfort over heat and humidity any day. Married with three kids, I spent most of my working life in higher education writing boring technical papers, but now concentrate on fiction. (Always with an HEA.) I never clean under my sofa. L. A. Kelley is author of The Naughty List.
Night Mistress: L.A., dear, thank you for joining us tonight. If you could just go out through the front door, I swear there is something lurking in our back yard right now. I’m not sure what it is but I’d say it’s probably a good idea to keep from letting it get wind of something that it might think is tasty! Happy Halloween!